I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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