Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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