If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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