When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
