my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You don't make any sense
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