no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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