If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
