I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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