anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
