What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
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I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.