Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.