I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven