I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.