I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch