Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.