The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.