Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im so drunk with asians
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"