some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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