I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
