Swine flu is the new snow day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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