you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
