My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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