mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
