Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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