Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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