How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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