Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
