We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
