i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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