hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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