we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
