just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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