you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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