i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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