remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
