Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
