Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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