covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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