1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
