Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
