i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
