She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
