Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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