evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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