You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize