i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
