Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
