I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is my gift to your gina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
