worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
