Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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