According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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