how can u be prego again
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
