My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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