i just wanna soil my oats bro
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
