My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
