he puts the penis in happiness.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
