If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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