I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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