we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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