9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
