wat bout pragnant strippers??
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
