3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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