I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
