Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My vagina just recognized that song.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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