he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
